just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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