"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
