I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
