I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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