you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just found a bag of teeth...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
