is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
