Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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