I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
