he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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