I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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