I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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