Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize