I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
no you cant smoke seaweed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
