Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
