Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
