literally had 100 drinks last night.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I will pee on everything he values.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
