Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
