I think my fart just growled at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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