Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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