I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
