You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
