We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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