and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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