Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
