i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
