Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
