He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
