Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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