He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
