I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
