I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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