Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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