Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
