I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
