So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
