it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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