This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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