i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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