he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize