i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
