Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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