I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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