I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
