Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
