Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
