I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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