Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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