She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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