He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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