i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
