the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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