It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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