She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
