and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
