My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
