i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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