just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
