I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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