Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
