well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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