i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
