Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize