I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
