we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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