I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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