wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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