so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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