do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
