She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
