Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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