lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you traded sex for a burrito?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
